I grew up hearing my Dad’s immigration story often. It was New York City 1960. When he came here with my Grandfather, they had so little my Dad had to choose between a meal, and taking the subway to look for work. My grandfather asked my Dad to promise him that when they finally found work neither would count how much money they had in their wallet again. My grandfather didn’t want my Dad to get stuck. He didn’t want the habit of counting pennies to become a way of life. To this day, at 84 years old, my father who is meticulous with his finances in every other way, does not know how much money he carries in his wallet. But it didn’t really work. My Dad still counts pennies. Just not the ones in his wallet.
Memories
My first money memory is of counting pennies. I was maybe three, and my Dad was teaching me basic arithmetic with pennies lined up on the carpet of our living room. The pennies were in pairs, and we were imagining the pairs were kids on a school bus. When kids got on or off the bus, I calculated the new total of kids that were on the school bus.
Most of the money habits I developed from my upbringing are from my Dad. He was big on financial education, and introduced things like credit cards and retirement savings to me earlier than most. Like him, I don’t know how much cash is in my wallet. It’s always a surprise. I have never counted it, or organized it. Bills are partially crumpled and stuck together. It’s out of character for me. Normally, I thrive on details and when things are out of place it makes my brain itch.
Connecting the Dots
Even though I heard my Dad’s immigration story over and over I didn’t connect his wallet habit to mine until recent years, when I went through the mindful money coaching process myself. I wasn’t conscious of my habit, nor did I understand its origin. This is how our money history works. Most of our customs and beliefs about money are formed in very early childhood.
Doing the Work
As adults, we turn on auto pilot and make choices that don’t serve us, like money zombies. But, every day is another chance to excavate, and peel back the layers. Looking into your money choices with awareness, reflection, and education can set you up for the financial independence you want.
Mindful coaching is a great way to go through that process with a partner. A coach holds you accountable and lays out the steps for you. Or you can just start by having a conversation with your caregivers, siblings or yourself and start to notice what your patterns are.
Try this journaling prompt to get started and see what comes up for you:
My first money memory is….
