Emotions are important. Emotions prepare us for behavior, and can be the catalyst to various productive actions you may decide to take. Shame, on the other hand, is an unhelpful emotion that keeps people stuck (inaction).
Because of this, shame is a barrier to change. Virtually everyone I have had an open and honest conversation with about money, carries some shame around their finances– so I think its important to talk about today.
Brené Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging–something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”
This intense pain and the feeling of unworthiness it causes– is what keeps us stuck. We can’t create financial joy in our lives, become debt free, and build savings when on a visceral level we don’t believe we deserve it. The shame is a weapon we use to punish ourselves for what we dub our past “mistakes.”
I ask–whom does that serve? Releasing yourself from the shame cycle, and allowing yourself to take that first step towards thriving, will have ripple effects throughout society. You, your family, and the collective, would all benefit from your giving yourself the gift of letting go.
Here are a few steps to begin the process:
1) Break The Money Taboo
When we feel unworthy of connection, as Brené says, we stay silent. We hold onto our money challenges as secrets. One wonderful first step to take is to break the money taboo by sharing what you are carrying in your heart. Share with a trusted friend, mental health counselor, advisor, or even try saying it out loud to yourself. Sharing what we feel money shame about, and being heard and received with love can be immensely healing.
2) Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a powerful gift you can give yourself. You did the best you could with the information you had. You were trying. Imagine what you would you say to a loved one, and show yourself the same love and compassion.
3) Throw away the Shoulds
“I should have it together by now.” And “I should know better.” Or “I should be able to stop.” You do not wake up one day and simply know how to manage your finances. Financial literacy is not innate, it is a learned skill. Sustainable change does not magically happen because it should. It happens because you are ready to do the work, you seek out the right help, and you START.
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The next best time to plant a tree is today.” – Unknown proverb
4) Small positive action
Start to rewrite your story by taking one small action at a time in the direction you want to go. Remind yourself healing is not linear and celebrate every win.
Wishing you joy and success on your financial wellness journey.
