Two thirds of care provided to older adults is done by women. This statistic refers to care for a parent, grandparent, parent-in-law, family member, friend or neighbor. ???? Care from family and friends are often what allow an older person to remain at home. In this pivotal but often not discussed role, women are holding communities together.
Meaningful
Caregivers say that it gives them a sense of purpose and that they are grateful ?? for the opportunity to provide care. But it can also be very stressful and financially challenging.
Emotional
Like parenting, caregiving requires attention, difficult decisions, and emotional/time commitment. It is difficult to watch someone you love grapple with a loss of independence.
I have at different times been a caregiver for my mother and father. I know I will again be in that role, as they continue to age and need more help. Both past experiences fundamentally shifted my relationship with each of them, as well as with my brother, and my husband. Caregiving affects the whole family, even when one person is considered the “main” care giver. Making time for your own therapy can provide vital support during such an emotionally challenging time.
Costly
Caregivers can also be time-poor, juggling caring for their own children and caring for their parents or older relatives. This can lead to many types of losses – lost promotions, out of pocket costs, breaks in employment or leaving a job altogether. This leads to significantly lower retirement savings, and lower social security benefits.
Focused on making my loved one comfortable I rushed to the store to buy medications, clothing, bedding etc. without pausing to track the costs. I juggled a full time job, with trying to be at the hospital or rehabilitation facility 24/7.
The average caregiver spends $7,000 per year on their care recipient, which can effect a caregiver’s ability to save for themselves long-term.
One of the eight money archetypes, the Martyr Archetype is the caretaker, and is also an archetype more often represented by women. Martyrs are so busy taking care of others’ needs that they often neglect their own. Financially speaking, Martyrs generally do more for others than they do for themselves. This can be costly, and prevent them from having enough saved themselves, when they reach old age. This pattern can lead to built up resentment towards the person they are caring for as well as other family members. Martyr caregivers must learn how to engage in self-care.
Some Helpful Tips:
✨Talk openly with family about their wishes for later life. I highly recommend reading Being Mortal by Atual Gawande to help learn how to navigate these difficult but deeply needed conversations.
✨Establish legal authorization (power of attorney, and healthcare proxy) in order to provide financial and healthcare decision making if needed. Also know where to access important financial and health documents.
✨Gain an understanding of Medicare and long-term care options—such as housing and hands-on care—as the needs of your loved one change over time.
✨Talk to your loved one about what they want, vs. what you are able to provide. Boundary work is key ?
Are you or have you been a caregiver? Can you relate to this post? Anything to add? Comment below ??