I really dislike the word “should.” Following the shoulds inside our head takes us farther away from our authentic self and in turn, farther away from financial wellness. That’s why my least favorite word is should. Here are some of the ways Shoulds can block us:
1) Spending For The External
Many of us spend money because of what we think others expect of us–what they think we should do with our money.
We may look at someone else and imagine they have wealth–because of the way they dress, their car, or their home. We may think, based on our salary, or based on what our peers seem to have on social media, that we “should have all those things too”.
I often find that clients are working towards a financial milestone that society and our culture has told them they should think of as a milestone. When we begin to examine what their values and dreams are, we often find the goals they had coming into coaching transform into something quite different.
Everything changes when we start to manage our finances based on our authentic desires.
2) Compromising Financial Boundaries
Most of us lack healthy financial boundaries.
Thoughts like this drive our money choices day to day: “I should lend him money. I should pay for this trip. I should buy this gift. I should put all of dinner on my card to make it easier. I should be generous.”
Financial boundaries are the money equivalent of putting your oxygen mask on first.
It is wonderful to be generous, and help others (your family, friends and community)–but things get murky when we skip over caring for ourselves. You cannot sustainably be of service if you aren’t nourishing yourself.
Where would your financial life benefit from boundaries? Where are you stifling a “no” that needs to be heard?
3) Staying Stuck
When we badger ourselves with shoulds, we create shame. Shame is a barrier to change. We don’t invest in ourselves and then we beat ourselves up. Or we become secretive. Shoulds keeps us stuck.
I invite you to begin noticing when you say the word should to yourself, in your head or out loud. Begin to notice–when its about money or anything else.
“I should have worked out today.”
or “I should have kept my composure better on the phone with my mother.”
and “I should have brought lunch from home.”
What would change if your inner thoughts sounded more like this?
“Today was very busy, instead of a workout I will care for myself with 5 minutes of breath work.”
“Perhaps I was too depleted to have a 20 minute phone call with my mom, on days where I am tired I will only call to say a quick hello, or a send a text.”
“On Sunday I will meal prep to make bringing lunch to work easier next week.”
How can you be softer with yourself? Self kindness can change everything.
It can be the beginning of a different life where you are empowered to take action that fulfills you.
